How to Not Take Things Personally

Have you ever felt that knot in your stomach when someone criticizes your work? That instinctive need to defend yourself, even when the feedback might be helpful? I recently experienced something that taught me a valuable lesson about handling these situations better.

The Moment That Changed My Perspective

Last week, during what seemed like a routine interaction, I noticed something wasn't quite right. On the surface, everything appeared normal, but there was an underlying tension I couldn't ignore. Using a mindfulness technique I call the "scanning breath," I discovered I was actually quite upset – so upset that I'd been subconsciously suppressing these feelings.

Understanding Our Emotional Triggers

When we take things personally, related to the strategies outlined in 'Master Workplace Emotions: A Simple Guide That Works' that can help you master workplace emotions, several things happen:

• Our solar plexus tightens with a distinct pressure
• We feel an urge to counterattack
• Our rational mind gets overwhelmed by emotional reactions
• We miss valuable opportunities for growth

The Battle Between Emotion and Reason

My first reaction was typical: "This person is attacking me." While my rational mind recognized the feedback as valuable information for improvement, my emotional side refused to accept it. This internal conflict is something many of us face, where our emotional response overrides our logical understanding.

Breaking Free from Taking Things Personally

The breakthrough came when I realized something crucial: while we can't control our initial emotional reactions, we can change how we process them. Remember that interaction I mentioned earlier? It became my testing ground for a new approach.

The Scanning Breath Technique

This mindfulness practice has become my go-to tool for emotional regulation. Here's why it works:

1. It creates space between the trigger and our response
2. It allows us to observe our emotions without judgment
3. It helps dissipate the intensity of our reactions over time
4. It builds emotional resilience with consistent practice

From Personal to Professional Growth

When we learn to take things less personally, we gain the ability to build stronger professional relationships, just like I explored in 'Letting Go of the Need to Be Liked', where I share my personal story of overcoming the need to be liked and how it impacted my teaching career.

• See feedback objectively
• Use criticism constructively
• Respond rather than react
• Build stronger professional relationships

The Ongoing Journey

Like weeding a garden, managing our emotional reactions requires consistent attention. While I still occasionally take things personally, I now have the tools to handle these situations effectively. Building on ideas from my four-year journey of developing meta-emotional awareness through the scanning breath technique that I shared in 'How I Built an Emotional Observatory After 4 Years of Practice', each time I practice this approach, the emotional charge becomes less intense, making it easier to maintain perspective.

Remember that interaction I mentioned at the beginning? It eventually became one of my most valuable learning experiences, teaching me that what feels like an attack can often be a gateway to growth.