I discovered my past jealousy
The other day I was listening to the radio. They were playing old '80s songs. A song by Rick Springfield came up. The song is called Jessie's girl. I remember the song very very clearly. As I listened to the song a whole bunch of memories came surfacing into my mind.
Of course just remembering old memories doesn't mean you can identify them clearly. But those memories were a sure indication to me that I should go back and clean up that part of my life. Today I went back and revisited those memories of the song. It was a little bit difficult at first but after about 10 minutes I found myself immersed completely in the feelings that I associated with that song and that time of my life. I was only about 13 years old. Being 13 I wanted to have a girlfriend but I didn't have a girlfriend, and I thought girls were interesting. On the other end nobody in our school had boyfriends or girlfriends. We were all just too young.
The song is about jealousy and the singer is expressing his feelings of jealousy in the song. At 13 years old I picked up those feelings extremely clearly and I felt them myself. I shared his feeling of jealousy. I was not jealous of anybody I had no one to be jealous of. But I picked up those feelings just the same.
The really interesting point is just how dirty those feelings feel. I kind of feel like I just came out of a greasy old kitchen with grease sticking on me and it's very difficult to get off, and it's dirty. I have to do a lot more sweeping breath breathing to get rid of those feelings. As I do it I also get all the associated and connected feelings which are typically also dirty.
This is the sense I have or the feeling I have when I say that this sweeping breath is cleansing. By doing this weeping breath I am getting rid of all those old feelings. The memories remain, but the dirtiness of the feelings is gone. The heaviness of the feelings is gone. The jealousy is gone. I feel quite a bit cleaner already even though I still have a ways to go.
So going back and rediscovering those old songs is a great way of cleaning out my old emotional baggage. I'm going to go and look for some more old songs and try and find what feelings they evoke and how much cleaning I can get done through those songs.